Writers in Work-boots

I used to read fun articles on how a writer should live, or what daily schedule inspires the most creativity. These articles usually feature a successful dead author who has figured out the perfect lifestyle for authors in the twenty-first century. After finding out what Steinbeck and Fitzgerald had to say about avoiding 3am pizza, I found this article:

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/02/22/henry-miller-on-writing/

This is a very typical article, showing exactly how Henry Miller would have you live, while you're working on your next best-seller. Of course, Miller provides a daily writer's schedule. If you're too busy (or lazy) to check out the link, I'll sum it up:

1. Mornings: write.
2. Afternoons: write some more.
3. Evenings: meet with friends, read leisurely, drink coffee, walk in the rain, paint.

It is important to note that this is not a weekend schedule. No, this is apparently how writers are supposed to live, but Miller's forgetting something, something pretty integral to a writer's life... general survival.

“Oh really? I thought I put on weight...”

Writers – like most human beings – need food, clean water, shelter, and clothes. Usually the best way to get these things is to have some source of income — something Miller forgot in his list.

So, to solve the survival problem, a good bunch of writers try to get a writer-ish day job, like a bookstore clerk, or coffee-shop barista, or any other place where writers enjoy spending free time. The general idea is “If I surround myself with paper and caffeine, I will be constantly inspired and fueled to write the most awesome epic ever!!” However, the reality is a lot different, since any amount of inspiration gained from books and tea will be immediately destroyed by the stresses of working customer service. You will waste hours trying to find the right edition of The Golden Bough for that snooty Eliot scholar who'll end up looking elsewhere anyway. You'll craft the most beautiful Caramel Macchiato, then be forced to pour it down the sink because your customer forgot to say “I don't like Nutmeg.” At 5 o'clock, you'll get home, exhausted. By the time food is in your stomach and the kitchen is cleaned up, it'll be 7 o'clock. Then you go to the gym, or yoga, or whatever you do for physical health. Afterward, it's late and you're way to tired to write or think or do anything that requires the least bit of brain power, so you watch an easy T.V. Show until you fall asleep. Wake up, rinse, repeat, except this time, murder somebody. Not a productive daily schedule for the aspiring writer.

“Got it! No nutmeg. Could I interest you in some poison?”

Okay. So, what if you try to pull a Hunter S. Thompson, and just be a journalist? That way you get to do what you love, then go home and do it some more. While such jobs can be great instruction on deadlines and writing within creative restrictions, journalism is very time consuming, so if you're looking to publish something creative, you won't have a lot of spare time to work on it.

The ideal jobs have nothing to do with writing. Jobs like security guards, hotel desk clerks, and tollbooth operators have anywhere between 10 and 90 percent free time. During this time, you can hone your writing skills by doing online exercises, you can figure out the math for that complicated plot you're assembling, or you can do anything at all that'll help the progress of your writing. And you get paid while you're doing it. Before you know it, you're quitting your day job, living off of the royalties from your bestseller, while you work on your next big hit.

If these jobs are not available (writers aren't the only people who wish to get away with murder), then a simple labour job is also a great way to earn a living without killing your writing career. Get a spot with a landscaping company, or planting trees, or holding a stop/slow sign for a civil engineering project. These jobs usually pay better than minimum wage and require little head-work, so you can think about whatever you want while you're working. The gym is no longer very necessary, because you get great exercise on-the-job. You also spend lots of time outside, which is scientifically proven to grant you the most creative inspiration.

"There is an 83% chance these plants give off more creative juices than indoorsy things."

After work, you get home, eat, then take a shower. Refreshed, you can write down everything you thought of during your shift, then get some work done on your novel. The labour job makes the writing process a bit slower than a hotel desk clerk position would, but unlike coffee-shop baristas, you're not ending the workday wanting to hurt something.